I’m not doing this often enough to make a difference.

That’s ok, I accept that I’m not perfect. I’m trying, and that’s enough.

Today I am grateful for:
- my business partner, who puts up with an amazing amount of my panic and uncertainty, and who is willing to talk things through, adjust and re-adjust
- my courses at UW, which are introducing me to ideas and places that I never knew existed
- amazing people in my social circles who are willing to take time out of their day to talk through their businesses, their lives, and their hopes, dreams and plans for the future, and are willing to listen to mine in return and provide valuable ideas and feedback
- the great tour of UW that I got today, and the beautiful art, grounds and buildings that I saw while on the tour
- a client call where we finally got to the root of the problem and (hopefully) took steps to resolve it
- the opportunity to meet with another contact tomorrow and take a healing session, hopefully maybe possibly resolving some of my health issues?
- an awesome dinner out with Steph and gay cupcakes!!
- plans for a trip to meet another contact this weekend and see the Museum of Glass
- getting my inbox down around 70
- new plans for the launch that will result in both money in the short term and a stronger product in the long term
- having this beautiful house to myself for the past week, and access to the bike, the strawberry patch, and the lettuce bed
- two warmer days
- seven days until I head back home and can finally be warm again
- and pick up my gorgeous puppy, and get my spine adjusted so it stops hurting
- the feeling that this is all going to work out, even if the process of getting to that was a bitch
- warm blankets and a very comfy water bed

And with that, I’m going to go inhabit the water bed for the night.

I’m feeling pensive this evening, a side effect of watching an organization I volunteered at for 14 years fall victim to a clique of petty do-gooders who don’t understand the original mission.

Instead of dwelling on sadness, I’ll do this.

Today I am grateful for:
- All the wonderful conversations I’ve had with my hosts here in Seattle, and all the amazing people I’ve met at SISMID thusfar.
- The gorgeous bike trail that runs from this house to the exact building I have classes in.
- The waterbed – I’ve slept like a very comfortable rock for the past three nights.
- All the people I’m going to get to meet up with in the next two weeks.
- All the fun stuff going on this weekend.
- The wonderful evening I spent with new friends at Thai Tom and getting frozen yogurt.
- The leftovers from Thai Tom.
- The recipe for Chicken and Dumplings that I found earlier.
- The opportunity to think through my basket list and refine my life goals.
- The cute little cast iron frying pan that was the perfect size to reheat my Thai Tom leftovers.
- All the opportunities to learn from amazingly knowledgeable people and the fact that I know enough to make the most of the opportunities.
- Being able to keep up with my classes and feel like I’m learning without being in over my head.
- The fact that Mom actually called me back today.
- Getting through to my neurologist and getting the ok to reduce my dose from what was initially prescribed.

I answered this question on the TED Linked In group just now, and I thought I’d copy my answer over here. My top five, cleverly worded to cover my top 25! :D

1) Learn to live each day in the moment and from a mentality of abundance.
2) Start 5+ businesses that improve lives for everyone, not just my customers, and build them to $1million + in revenues each year. Each business will sponsor a small, local non-profit with 10% of revenues.
3) Research population level infectious disease models to find simple interventions that can save lives and reduce morbidity.
4) Start a think tank to explore innovative solutions to big, interdisciplinary problems (think poverty, education, overpopulation, fundamentalism, etc.) and fund research and interventions to test our ideas.
5) Collaborate with Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer and Mika Penniman on an interactive musical adventure that crosses form and genre and challenges preconceived notions while being entertaining, awesome and irresistible. :D

Today I am grateful for:

- I’ve arrived in Seattle!
- I got to see Steph again and meet her very cool girlfriend, Jen.
- My hostel last night was safe and clean.
- The room I’m staying in for the next three weeks is awesome!
- The family I’m staying with is really nice, and we have a lot in common to talk about. :)
- The house has a GORGEOUS view.
- There’s a perfect little bike path/walking path that runs right to the building my classes are in.
- I have raspberries. :)
- There’s an organic market a mile away and I can walk to it.
- I drank a glass of wine last night without any ill effects. \0/
- None of my luggage was damaged.
- My room has a waterbed!

I have GOT to get better at this daily documentation. OMG, yikes, it’s been crazy, but in a good way. :)

This week I am grateful for:

-my beautiful puppy, and knowing that I have a safe place to drop him off tomorrow
-leaving tomorrow for Seattle! (OMG, HAVE TO PACK!!)
-being able to find a good deal on a used netbook that could run all the programs I’ll need it to run in the next several weeks
-successfully installing all those programs, plus finding a good twitter client and learning that the netbook will charge my ipod without screwing with its ability to sync to my mac
-leads on new clients, including new business clients!
-all of the stains came out of the carpet in my ex-roommate’s bedroom save for one, and it’s tiny
-yummy food this week, and yummy food coming out of the freezer :)
-having the food run out exactly on schedule
-good sessions with my existing clients
-a new mastermind group
-finding a place to stay on Saturday night
-having an awesome place to stay for the remaining time in Seattle
-seeing Steph again!!!!
-getting to explore Seattle and Portland, and maybe even Vancouver!
-almost everything for the launch is in place, save the course content and there’s plenty of time for that
-getting to meet Mary and have a heart healing session
-hopefully getting to meet some of the online entrepreneurs I really admire in Portland
-this new drug is kicking in nicely, I’m feeling more relaxed, minimal icky side effects and it’s the first one that’s actually affected my mood in a positive way! (not taking it for that, but it’s a nice side effect)
-getting lots of intriguing ideas from listening to Linchpin
-having an interesting idea about creating a self-published press
-diving into creating an equation with no direction, creating something completely different from what my supervisor had in mind and having it actually turn out mostly right!
-getting to attend awesome classes with the biggest names in the disease modeling world
-life, the universe, and everything! :)

Today’s reminder e-mail talks about faking your gratitude, or what to do when you feel anything but grateful. Amazing how sometimes the universe tells you exactly what you need to hear.

It’s hard to count your blessings when your body hurts. And so even though I’ve had a lot to be grateful for since I wrote last, it’s all been overshadowed by having to transition medications *again*. Which means that my muscles go from beginning to relax to being so tight that everything hurts. The first few days are the worst, when my norepinepherine levels plummet. And then I don’t know if my body gets used to the tension or if maybe the levels creep back up a tad until I can kind of move around normally and type easily. But I’m looking at another two weeks, minimum, until the new drug kicks in and I can approach something resembling relaxed again. *sigh* And, of course, new drug, new side effects to watch for, new levels of exhaustion and general blah-ness. I slept 10 hours last night and still spent most of today in bed with my laptop because the thought of sitting at my desk to write was just too much. I’ve still got quite a bit to go yet, but at least I’m managing something.

So yeah, not feeling so hot, and gratitude is a bit of a false thing at the moment. But hey, fake it till you make it.

Today I am grateful for:

- having a good grocery store close by so that I didn’t have to go out to the farmer’s market and fight the crowds
- my mattress – I can spend all day on it without feeling like I’m going to get bedsores
- my wonderful puppy, who keeps coming over to check on me between naps under the window
- the fascinating book on tarot that I’ve been reading
- the wildly successful networking meeting I went to on Thursday, and the clients that will (hopefully) be referred to me by the people I connected with
- the fact that it’s Saturday and I can doze off if I need to
- the interesting readings I did earlier
- the almost complete mini-outline for the Interactive Novel
- the guest posts I wrote yesterday
- the guest posts I’m going to write today
- the fact that I’m making a difference in the lives of the people I’m working with. That’s pretty fucking cool.

… I guess I do feel a little bit better. :)